Its not that often you want a need to rediscover yourself. I was on such a mood today and was quite disturbed with the recent activities in my life. I was disturbed a lot and wanted to have some refreshment, which made me to be with friends the whole night yesterday. We roamed around the city, often breaking all the limits. I was going back to what I was a few years before. And I was successful in not letting my friends know what I wanted was an escape from my life rather than some quality time with them. Feeling sorry for them.

Back home, everything was routine. Woke up with loud noises from my sisters room where her son was making a revolt against mom for not letting him go out and play with his brother. I used to love watching those fights which I can very well relate to my childhood. But not today. I need some time alone, away from all realities. So I packed my laptop bag, and walked out with bike keys. The day was special for the city as it is reserved for the opposite sex. All roads lead to a single destination where women from all over kerala gather for ‘Ponkala’. I skipped the busy known roads and took a different route. 1 hour ride without any destinations in mind took me to an alternative route to Ponmudi. On any other day I’ll make a U-turn considering the fact that I have been there umpteen times with all of my friends for all kinds of fun.

But today I felt it special. I found it as the ideal place to be where I can disconnect my network with my reality. Roads were pathetic and sun was intense. But higher up it became a heaven for me. Cool breeze and shadows refreshed me. 3 hours of non stop ride took me to the top of the hill. It was almost deserted with a few people roaming with cameras in their hands. Camera, how I missed to take it? Or I avoided taking it?

I parked my bike, and climbed up to a spot where I’ll be sealed from the shouts and howling from the very few people left on hill top. And I slept there. I dont know how long I was there. Woke up all refreshed and burning in sun. The bag which acted as a bed for me had my laptop inside it but nothing happened to it. Thanks for being a light person. I searched for my belongings, and everything was in place except my mobile which was on my chest somehow. I attended 6 calls while I was sleeping, 4 from the single person and 1 from home and 1 from a friend who I was supposed to meet in morning. And there was a long list of unread messages and tweets. I had to answer a few and then moved to a shadow to escape from the extreme sun.

Logged into reality through my laptop expecting some mail. But there wasn’t any. Though I had an strong urge to have some water, I spent almost close to an hour there until my laptop ran out of juice. Meanwhile a few people passed my with suspicious looks on their face. May be they were wondering I was co-ordinating some terror attacks or  a super nerd. Who else will sit with a laptop on the top of a hill with  an out of the bed look and alone? Packed everything back and rode to the KTDC restaurent to have some food. More specifically some water. Only when I was about to order, I found the sad joke that I didnt take my wallet with me. The waiter was still waiting for my order. With a lame excuse that I forgot my mobile on hilltop, I evaded from there after gulping the hot water from the jug on table. The waiter may have got the clue. Anyway, after fullfilling my immediate need – to have some water, I rode back non-stop to home.

Now while writing this, I am thinking why and what I did today. What was the trip for? If it was to be alone, were I really alone today? And why I had to take laptop if all I wanted was loneliness? I am confused. Confused about my mental stability and my life. Or was it a day dream? My dark red tan and google latitude says it wasn’t. I need some professional help.